Chicken Soup Theory
Vulnerability vs Dependency
Have you ever noticed how being sick can sometimes have benefits? You're tucked up in bed, someone brings you a steaming bowl of chicken soup, and the world seems to pause while you are the one being cared for, for these brief moments it feels good to have your needs prioritised. For some of others the moment where it is scary lose the freedom or control, we normally have over our lives.
Sometimes it can be difficult to identify the line between genuine illness and exaggerated or feigned weakness? This idea can be summed up in what some call "Chicken Soup Theory". The idea that people might gain psychological or social rewards from being vulnerable, which can consciously or unconsciously encourage them to stay unwell or adapt a helpless role in order to get their needs met.
The Sick Role
In psychology we can think about the theory of “secondary gain”, where there is an indirect benefit from being ill or helpless, this might include:
Attention and care: When you're sick, people often rally around to take care of you.
Avoidance of responsibilities: Work, chores, or other obligations can be put on hold.
Emotional validation: Vulnerability may bring support and empathy from others, that we don’t feel we’re allowed to ask for at other times.
For example, a child with a headache might stay home from school and enjoy a day of pampering from their parents. Over time, this "reward" can reinforce the behaviour, creating a loop where illness becomes a strategy for gaining attention or escaping stressors.
Sociologist Talcott Parsons introduced the concept of the "sick role," highlighting how society allows sick individuals to step away from normal responsibilities as long as they actively seek recovery. However, if being unwell offers more benefits than being healthy, I may lose motivation to get better.
The Power of Vulnerability
Illness doesn’t just affect the individual; it often reorganises family, or social dynamics. Family systems theory suggests that when someone in a family or a social group becomes unwell, roles and priorities shift. The "sick person" may become the centre of attention, and their needs become the focus. This interaction can mean the sick person has more influence or power with the group, as their needs are seen as the priority.
Examples
A sick child might keep caregivers focused on them, avoiding school or responsibilities and their siblings might have less attention.
An adult with chronic symptoms might indirectly control household routines, as others prioritise their comfort over their own needs.
How Behaviour Reinforces the Cycle
Operant conditioning says that when we receive a reward for a behaviour we are more likely to repeat it. When being sick leads to attention, nurturing, or relief from unpleasant tasks, it reinforces the idea that being ill leads to benefits.
Examples
Positive Reinforcement: A partner who feels neglected might develop recurring "migraines" if they receive the affection and care they’ve been missing in their relationship.
Negative Reinforcement: A teenager might complain of stomach-aches to avoid chores.
In both cases, it’s the reinforcement that can lead to an unconscious, or conscious exaggeration of symptoms.
Attachment and Needs
Attachment theory suggests people may apply these strategies to get their needs met. For instance, if someone lacked nurturing as a child, they might unconsciously exaggerate vulnerability in adulthood to receive care and reassurance.
Example:
A young professional feels undervalued at work and distant from their partner. They develop persistent colds, which bring them attention and sympathy at home, fulfilling their need for connection and validation.
Vulnerability As A Strategy
The "Chicken Soup Theory" doesn't imply that everyone feigning illness is manipulative. Often, these behaviours are unconscious behaviours to meet deep-seated emotional or social needs. However, the cycle can become unhealthy when it disrupts relationships, creates power imbalances, or fosters dependency.
Breaking the Cycle
Understanding the psychological underpinnings of the "Chicken Soup Theory" can help foster healthier relationships. Here are some strategies:
Recognise reinforcement patterns: Be mindful of how attention or accommodations might unintentionally encourage illness behaviours.
Encourage open communication: Create safe spaces for expressing emotional needs directly, without relying on vulnerability.
Seek professional support: Psychologists can help individuals and families identify and address these dynamics.
Vulnerability Or Burden?
Vulnerability and dependency sit on a delicate spectrum, and navigating this balance can be challenging. While some may exaggerate illness to have their needs met, others grapple with the fear of being a burden and when seeking genuine support.
For many, vulnerability can feel overwhelming, leading to questions about how much distress is "enough" to justify asking for help. Meanwhile, some may unknowingly rely on illness as a way to fulfil emotional or social needs.
Recognising this fine line is crucial, not only for developing greater self-awareness but also for building genuine connections in your relationships based on trust and open communication, rather than dependency.
