“It hurts to see your loved one in pain, but it hurts more to see you cannot do anything about this pain.”
**Namrata**

In any relationship, emotional connection is vital for building trust and intimacy. When our partner expresses their emotional pain, our instinct may be to jump in and offer solutions or try to make them feel better. Sometimes, these well-intentioned responses can create distance instead of providing comfort. Understanding the power of listening and validating our partner's emotions is crucial for building a healthy, supportive relationship.

Why Listening to Emotional Pain is Crucial

Listening is not just about hearing words—it's about understanding emotions and creating a safe space for our partner to express themselves. When our partner shares their pain, they are often seeking empathy and connection, not a quick fix. Active listening can reduce their emotional distress, making them feel seen and valued. This strengthens our emotional bond, allowing us to feel more secure and supported.

Imagine coming home after a difficult day, frustrated and exhausted. You share your feelings, hoping for understanding. Instead of receiving empathy, you hear, “Just talk to your boss tomorrow.” While the advice may be practical, it bypasses your emotional need to feel heard, leaving you feeling dismissed.

Common Mistakes in Responding to a Partner's Distress

Often, our natural reactions to a partner’s pain can unintentionally invalidate their feelings. Two of the most common mistakes include:

Offering Solutions: Many people try to “fix” the problem by suggesting solutions. However, this can suggest our partner’s feelings aren’t worth addressing. It may even send the message that they aren’t capable of solving their own issues, leading to feelings of inadequacy or being misunderstood. Solutions are helpful, but they shouldn’t replace empathy.

Minimising Emotions: Another common reaction is to downplay the problem with statements like, “It’s not a big deal” or “Don’t worry about it.” Though often meant to provide comfort, we may make our partner feel dismissed, as if their feelings don’t matter.

Defensiveness: Why Partners Become Defensive

Defensiveness is another significant barrier in responding to our partner's pain. Often when we feel personally attacked or blamed for our partner’s distress. Instead of listening and empathising, we might react by deflecting responsibility or shifting the blame.

For example, if our partner says, “I feel overwhelmed with everything at home,” a defensive response might be, “Well, I already do a lot! You just don’t appreciate it.” This reaction turns the focus away from their feelings. Over time, defensiveness erodes trust, making it harder for us to resolve issues constructively.

Emotional Consequences of Poor Responses

When we respond with solutions, minimisation, or defensiveness, it damages the emotional connection within the relationship. Our partner may feel isolated, misunderstood, or even ashamed for expressing their feelings.

For example, telling your partner, “It’s going to be fine, stop overthinking it,” when they share their anxiety may seem reassuring on the surface. However, it fails to address their emotional needs and can leave them feeling unsupported. Over time, dismissive responses can erode the trust and intimacy you’ve built together.