Navigating Holiday Emotions with Balance
“To deny that life has its share of disappointments, frustrations, losses, hurts, setbacks, and sadness would be unrealistic and untenable. Life is suffering. No amount of positive thinking exercises will change this truth.”
Robert Emmons
Toxic Positivity and Tragic Optimism
The holiday season is often presented as a time of boundless joy and togetherness. However, for many, it also brings a mix of stress, grief, and unmet expectations. We may be told to “embrace positivity” as a natural response to our challenges, this can sometimes shift into toxic positivity—which in reality invalidates our genuine emotions by insisting we take on cheerful outlook or put on a mask that it is in conflict with our authentic selves. In contrast, tragic optimism, a term coined by Viktor Frankl, offers a healthier, more balanced perspective, recognising the dialectic of both joy and hardship as reality of life. This concept is especially relevant during the emotionally charged holiday season.
What is Toxic Positivity?
Toxic positivity refers to the overemphasis on maintaining a positive attitude, often to the exclusion of acknowledging difficult or negative emotions. While often well-meaning, it can be dismissive and harmful.
Common Signs of Toxic Positivity
Dismissing Emotions: Saying things like, “It’s Christmas—just focus on the good things,” ignores the reality of someone’s struggles. This time of year can come with difficult, or painful memories, or moments for many.
Pressure to Conform: Feeling obligated to appear cheerful, or to be able to have “full social battery” in order meet societal expectations of holiday joy. When often people can feel sensory or socially overwhelmed from the obligations of the season.
Idealised Social Media: Curated images of flawless family gatherings or lavish celebrations can amplify feelings of inadequacy if our reality doesn’t live up to what other people are posting.
For example, a single parent facing financial stress may feel the need to put on a brave face, hiding their challenges behind a façade of holiday cheer. Over time, this can lead to emotional suppression, heightened anxiety, or feelings of isolation.
What is Tragic Optimism?
In contrast, tragic optimism embraces the complexity of life, acknowledging suffering while maintaining hope and finding meaning in adversity. It doesn’t shy away from difficult emotions but instead allows us to integrates the these challenges into a framework for growth and resilience. We shouldn’t be expected to have a certain emotion at a particular time of year.
Key Principles of Tragic Optimism
Acknowledgement of Suffering: Recognising that hardships are a natural part of life.
Focus on Growth: Finding meaning and connection even in challenging circumstances.
Hope Amid Adversity: Balancing sorrow with an optimistic outlook for the future.
For instance, a family mourning a loved one might create a tradition to honour their memory, such as lighting a candle or sharing stories about them. This approach validates grief while fostering connection and gratitude.
Why It Matters During the Holidays
The holidays often heighten emotional complexity. For some, they serve as a reminder of loss, strained relationships, or financial pressures. Toxic positivity, with its insistence on unrelenting cheer, can exacerbate these feelings by invalidating the struggles that individuals face. Tragic optimism, on the other hand, offers a way to navigate these challenges with authenticity and resilience.
Examples of Toxic Positivity vs. Tragic Optimism
Honouring Grief
Toxic Positivity: “You need to move on and enjoy the holidays.”
Tragic Optimism: “It’s okay to feel sad. Let’s find a way to honour their memory together.”
Managing Stress
Toxic Positivity: “Just focus on being grateful—it’s Christmas!”
Tragic Optimism: “This time of year can be overwhelming. How can we make it a bit easier for you?”
Navigating Imperfection
Toxic Positivity: “Everything has to be perfect for it to feel like Christmas.”
Tragic Optimism: “The imperfections make the holiday more meaningful. Let’s enjoy it as it is.”
Practical Strategies for the Holidays
To avoid the pitfalls of toxic positivity and embrace the constructive aspects of tragic optimism, try these practical strategies:
Validate All Emotions
Allow yourself and others to experience a full range of emotions without judgement. Instead of offering platitudes, listen with empathy.
Example: If a friend expresses loneliness, respond with: “I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I’m here for you if you’d like to talk.”
Reframe Challenges as Opportunities for Growth
Adopt a mindset that embraces hardship as an opportunity for reflection and connection.
Example: If financial strain limits your ability to buy gifts, consider low-cost traditions like baking together or writing heartfelt letters.
Create Inclusive Traditions
Incorporate rituals that honour both joy and sorrow, making space for everyone’s experiences.
Example: Light a candle for absent loved ones during a family meal, blending grief with gratitude.
Set Realistic Expectations
Let go of the pressure to meet societal standards of holiday perfection. Embrace imperfection as part of the experience.
Example: Allow yourself to prioritise rest and reflection instead of trying to achieve an overly ambitious holiday schedule. Put in safe boundaries with those you love.
Practice Self-Compassion
Recognise that it’s okay not to feel festive all the time. Give yourself permission to rest and process your emotions.
Example: Take a quiet moment away from others to breath and think about what you’re grateful for and what challenges you’re facing.
Embrace the Holidays
The contrast between toxic positivity and tragic optimism highlights the importance of embracing authenticity during the holidays. While toxic positivity pressures Us to mask or to push down our struggles, tragic optimism provides a healthier framework by validating the reality of both joy and sorrow. By prioritising meaningful connections, reframing challenges, and honouring the full spectrum of emotions, we can navigate the holiday season with greater resilience and authenticity. Recognise the holidays as they truly are—messy, beautiful, and deeply human.
