Six Stages of Grief
Post-traumatic growth is not happiness; it often coexists with distress… it is an experience of loss and mourning so profoundly painful that it changes you for ever. It’s hard-won wisdom.
Grief is a complex emotional response, and we can go through it due to many forms of loss. It can come from the end of our relationship, changes in our health, when we experience job loss, or major life transitions that cause us to question our identity or security. While everyone’s grief journey is unique, the six stages model provide a framework for understanding the emotions we use to navigate loss. These stages are not always linear, and we often experience more than one at a time, but understanding them can help us recognise a process and work towards healing in a process that can feel overwhelming.
Denial: A Temporary Shield from Pain
The initial response to loss is often denial, where we struggle to accept what has happened. This stage can feel like numbness or disbelief, acting as a protective cushion from the impact of reality. We might avoid reminders or cling to a sense that life hasn’t truly changed. This can feel like those first few moments where we wake up and forget the loss has actually happened or feels like the memory of a dream.
Bargaining: Attempting to Control the Uncontrollable
As denial starts to wear off, we may move into bargaining, where “what if” or “if only” thoughts begin. Here, we may wish for a way to reverse or lessen the impact. This stage often brings up feelings of guilt, where we may negotiate with past versions of ourselves, a higher power, or the universe and believe could have changed the outcome if we could have taken a different choice or action. Bargaining provides a temporary sense of control over a situation that feels chaotic and uncontrollable.
Anger: Confronting the Unfairness
As the reality of the situation settles in, anger often rises to the surface. This stage is characterised by frustration or resentment, sometimes directed at ourselves, others, or even life itself. We may feel the loss is unfair or undeserved. Although anger can be challenging to experience, it provides an important outlet for pent-up emotions, allowing us to engage more fully with our grief.
Depression: Acknowledging the Depth of the Pain
In this stage, the permanence and depth of the loss takes hold, leading to profound sadness. Depression in grief is not the same as clinical depression, it involves an intense sense of sorrow, isolation, and sometimes even numbness. We may lose interest in daily activities and seek solitude. While painful, this stage is a natural response to loss, reflecting the intensity of the connection that has been taken.
Acceptance: Finding a New Reality
Acceptance is not about being “over” the loss but adapting to a new way of life. This stage represents a readiness to move forward, finding ways to honour the memory of what was lost while embracing a new normal. People in this stage may return to old routines, reengage with life, though the feeling of the loss remains. Acceptance is about recognising that reality has changed forever and building a future.
Post-Traumatic Growth: Learning from Loss
The final stage of grief is post-traumatic growth, where we recognise that while life will never return to the way it was before the loss, something new can be built or learned from what has occurred.
This growth might look like renewed resilience, stronger relationships, or a deeper sense of purpose. Although the loss has left an indelible mark, this stage allows us to build something meaningful from the experience, honouring the past while forging a path forward. Post-traumatic growth is a hopeful stage, marking the transition from survival to thriving.
Grief is not a straightforward process but a deeply personal journey. By understanding these six stages, we can feel reassured that feelings are natural and that there’s a pathway through the pain. Working toward healing in grief involves acknowledging and accepting the loss while gradually finding ways to live meaningfully again. Grief may forever change our lives, but with time, it can become the foundation for growth, renewed strength, and a life that honours both what was lost and what can be rebuilt.
